Clearing Out the Cobwebs of Apathy

You know that feeling when you are at some store in the mall and there's really loud and abrasive house music pumping and the store is full of people having inane conversations into their Bluetooth and you just want to wave the white flag and curl up into a ball on the floor?

That's how I feel about the following things:

1. The Cowboys season up to this point
2. The Election
3. Tomorrow's Mavs season opener

I've gone through the full range of emotions about all three things and it has left me feeling worn out. I have been hopeful, scared, enraged, hopeful again, frustrated, confused and now finally I have arrived at the Isle of Apathy. Not only have I arrived but I have filled out a change of address form and started measuring for drapes for my straw hut.

A short list of things that are less terrifying to me than seeing Brad Johnson about to receive a snap:

- a toddler carrying a book of matches and drinking a bottle filled with bleach

- that part of The Exorcist where Linda Blair does a crazy crabwalk backwards down the stairs

- waking up next to Mavs Man and realizing he's taking camera phone pictures of me in my sleep

- riding on the back of an unevenly balanced Vespa down the Tollway at 2am

- Sarah Palin watching my pet polar bear while I am out of town

In regards to the election, I wish I would have taken some sort of extremely heavy sedative after I voted on Friday so that I could just sleep through this final agonizing week. I've done my part. I hope others do as well. But seriously, I cannot hear anything else about this election. I like Barack Obama. I voted for him. But at this point, I don't want to hear him or see him until approximately 10pm on Tuesday, November 4. I don't care if Sarah Palin spends a million dollars having suits made of discarded stem cell material. I am officially done with the whole thing. I can't get any more outraged. I'm outrage deficient.

I kind of feel the same way about the Cowboys. Just like how I have a good feeling about Obama's chances of winning this thing, I feel like once Romo's itty-bitty hurt pinkie finger gets better, Felix Jones comes back, Roy Williams gets settled in, Jason Witten's ribs heal and we get a week off, we actually have a pretty good second half of the season to look forward to. But until then, I have to deal with Wade Philips cheering for missed field goals, T.O. being nearly useless, Marion Barber picking up a whopping 2 yards on each carry and listening to people consider the pros and cons of putting Bollinger in. I wish I had another one of those sedatives to take until Thanksgiving.

Which leads me to the Mavs. Jesus, I can't even work up the enthusiasm to properly discuss how nervous the little basketball team we've got going right now is making me. I said I would be positive about the Mavs this season. So in keeping with that promise, I will refrain from pointing out how non-awesome the Mavs were in the pre-season.

Basically, the only way this blog entry could have possibly been more apathetic, lethargic or generally "meh" is if I had some sort of dictation/transcribing software and I could have just posted this blog by dictating it in short, exasperated grunts.