Mark Cuban is Angry, the Mavs Are in Trouble and I am Hungry

That other Mavs blogger in town, Mark Cuban, is apparently just as gutted about the Mavs embarrassing loss to the Oklahoma City Really, They Have a Franchise? as I was the other night. The only difference is, whereas the only recourse I have is to write a snarky blog entry about how the Mavs are really screwing the pooch, he has the actual ability to issue threats to the job security of underperforming players. While I would love to think that Devean George gets really ashamed of himself when I blog about his team’s poor performance in a game against a team that some people (including my friend Kris) expressed surprise at the news that not only had they beaten the Mavs but that they actually existed, I don’t think the Mavs are subscribing to my blog. Mark Cuban usually is the first person to offer reassurances (to put it kindly) or excuses (to put it bluntly) for the Mavs blown games. So you know it’s bad when Cuban issues a warning to the team that players that aren’t performing well might not want to shell out on that gold-plated plasma TV anytime soon.

Listen, it could all be empty talk. Unfortunately, there’s no way to take a team back to the NBA store and ask for an exchange. This isn’t like Scrabble where you can lose a turn and trade in all your letters for better ones. We are stuck with the Q’s and no U’s for the time being. Not that I don’t think that this team has a lot of promise and could, should they remove their collective heads from their collectively overpaid asses, make a decent run in the playoffs. But there’s some sense of complacency and “meh”-ness about this year’s Mavs that infuriates and frustrates me. To be so close to the huge moral victory of beating the Celtics and then let that slip away in the final two minutes? That should have been like a bloody steak in front of a pack of pit bulls. Instead, the Mavs treated it with an “well, at least we tried and gee we sure did get close to beating them” attitude.

And since my blog and every sports fan in Dallas has been using any opportunity to take potshots at Jerry Jones for the purple nurple that was this past Cowboys season and the apparent lack of change in the organization, I will use this as an opportunity to take one more potshot at Jerry Jones. Even if Cuban’s threats are mostly empty. Even if the Mavs see Cuban’s comments as the angry rants of an annoyed boss who will probably forget all about it in a day or two. Even if it’s just a front to appease angry fans who feel like there’s no accountability, it’s something. When I hear Dirk Nowitzki say, “At this point, we don’t really deserve to be in the playoffs but we’ll see what we can do in the next 20 games”, it makes me wish I had Tony Romo’s email address. Contriteness, Tones? Ur doing it rong.

I can’t imagine the Mavs playing dominoes on the plane back from Oklahoma City. I imagine the glum factor was a little higher on that team plane despite it being nowhere near as important a game as, say, a must-win game against a team rival which will propel one of the teams into the playoffs and will end the season of the other team. Jerry Jones, you see how this works? When shit hits the fan and the team is not playing how they should and people blow off practices and team meetings, you fine them. Or at least threaten them. You are the owner and you need to be feared. You want your players to trust you to an extent but more importantly, you want them to fear you just a little. You are their boss. You aren’t going to be the Momma Young to their Vince Young. You are going to call them out. You are going to side with the fans when they are angrily camped at the gates demanding to know why the team isn’t taking the very real prospect of not making the playoffs seriously.

Tonight’s game against San Antonio has taken on a little more meaning to me. Not just because I take any opportunity I can to root for an Andy Dick-level meltdown of the hated Spurs but also because I want to see a Mavs team that look like they know there’s a better than 50% chance that if they blow tonight’s game, they could wake up with a bloody horse head in their beds. I want Mafia-payback level fear from this team. I think it’s the only thing that is going to get us into the playoffs this season. I want the Mavs to live in a nightmarish, Saw-like world of professional uncertainty until they can do things like not lose to Oklahoma Fucking City.

Now for some hummus.