You Have Got to Be Kidding Volume 29853215654

(Image Courtesy of Perez Hilton's sister's tax attorney)

Big congrats go out to Tony Romo who is blowing my mind. Not with his skill on the field but with his fame-whorish ways. You made Perez Hilton today, Tones! You know, that's the website where anyone that can put a pencil between their teeth to type the words "FIRST BITCHES!" can have their say. You join the ranks of the only other pro football players (Tom Brady for paternity oops and Sean Taylor for getting shot) who have warranted coverage on Perez Hilton! This must be a proud day for you as a professional athlete. I can't wait until you flash your vagina at Brett Favre after the game on Thursday! God, who knew football was so STAR-LICIOUS! I may have to get cable so I can see your episode of Cribs. Because I, like so many other liquor promo girls in Mesquite, would just LOVE to see where the magic happens!

I really am trying to like you. I am trying so hard. Deep down, I think I do like you. Just how you like your older brother who keeps dating strippers with lots of kids because you think that maybe one day he will find one that doesn't steal his Social Security number and wreck his car. And also, I think part of me believes that you are smart enough to be orchestrating some sort of next-level social experiment from which you will teach us all about the frivolity star-worship and the levels of shame some will sink to in order to lay a hand on a modicum of fame even if it is for only a fleeting moment. If that is indeed the case, please let me offer up a preemptive and hearty "FIRST BITCHES! LOL! OMG! ROTFLMAO!"