Monday, November 19, 2007

Brandon Bass = Good / Andre Gurode = AMAZING

Saturday night's Mavs game vs. Memphis may have been the final proof I needed to see of Brandon Bass' worth. I like him. And my Pau Gasol crush may be starting to fade away mostly because the look on his face when the ball is stripped from him could easily be compared to the look on Corey Haim's face when someone asks him what projects he's got coming up. I also don't like the feeling I get when Dirk misses four free throws. I'm pretty sure he gets a similar feeling. File the Memphis game under: a win is a win.

Andre Gurode is my new personal hero. Why? Wikipedia defines a center's duties as:

On most plays, the center will snap the ball directly into the quarterback's hands. In a shotgun formation, the center snaps the ball to the quarterback lined up several yards behind him. In punt and field goal formations, the center also snaps the ball several yards behind him to the punter or holder on the field goal unit. Because bad snaps can ruin special teams plays and cause turnovers, some teams have a center who is specifically trained for snapping the ball in punt and field goal formations.

Meaning that outside of some blocking, the center's JOB is to get the ball into the quarterback's hands. Now, sometimes on punts and field goals it's understandable that maybe a center is not adept at doing especially long snaps. So that's no biggie, we'll have a guy who does those special situation snaps and we'll call him a "long snapper" and everything will be wonderful.

But Andre Gurode was not content with that. For he so loves specialization that he has re-invented himself as a base-formation-only center. No shotgun formations for him. Too hard. If your name is Tony Romo and you would like the ball to arrive in your hands, you need to forget about any of your fancy schmancy special formations. I've got the base formation snap. That's it. He's like the guy who only knows how to play "The Entertainer" on piano. So play "The Entertainer" he does.

Guy at Party: "Hey, do you know any Beatles songs?"

Andre Gurode: "Nope man, I know 'The Entertainer'" [plays "The Entertainer"]

Other Guy at Party: "What about "Chopsticks?"

Andre Gurode: "Let's see, is that the one that goes like this?" [plays "The Entertainer"]

Third Guy at Party: "Why is the Cowboys center at our party? Why is he playing the piano? Isn't he the guy that really sucks at snapping?"

And Tony Romo.......

You handled those zany snaps with remarkable dexterity and agility. Good job. For the next week, I will try my hardest to overcome my Pavlovian instinct to associate your name immediately with the smell of Axe body spray. From now on (barring any further unfortunate Ghostbar sightings), when I hear the name "Tony Romo" I will think of you sitting at a card table playing quarters with your buddies under the warming glow of a black light TAKE ME TO YOUR DEALER poster. Trust me, it's just better this way. Shhhhhhhhh, no words.

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