Sunday, November 30, 2008

Three Things Make Me Football Happy Right Now

1. After humiliating the Seahawks and kicking back on their couches to watch the Redskins fall to the Giants today, the Cowboys sit at a not-so-shabby 8-4 which makes them #2 in the NFC East. Bearing in mind, we have the pact-with-Satan Giants in the NFC East to contend with. But look at it another way: only three teams (Lucifer's own Giants, Tampa Bay and Carolina) in the entire NFC have better records than the Cowboys. I'll get to the matter of the Cowboys schedule from here on out later.

2. I like watching the New York Beelzebubs, errr, Giants play. Here's my dirty little NFC East secret: I like the Giants. A lot. I thought I could shake it off after the Super Bowl since I figured the soft spot I had for them was just a combination of rooting for the underdog, disliking Brady/Belichick and always having liked the down-to-earthness of Eli Manning and Michael Strahan. But then came this season and I still can't really completely root against them. I like Tom Coughlin for some reason. I will infinitely pick Eli over Payton in the Battle of the Mannings. I think they probably did deserve to be the Hard Knocks team this year. But the reason that they weren't is, in my opinion, part of the reason they are so good. There's a serious lack of "personalities" on the Giants team this year. So while watching Eli Manning do some Soduku puzzles with a warm glass of milk before bed doesn't make for good TV, it seems to be working out just fine when it comes to good football. Yeah.....all the New York Giants are on good behavior and not embarrassing themselves or their team.......

3. Ok, can I tell you how happy I am about the latest Plaxico Burress f-up? Bearing in mind that his injuries and subsequent criminal charges, while completely career-threatening, were not life-threatening. You know what that means, right? It means it's open season on Plaxico Burress. Seriously. You wanna be a knucklehead supreme and carry a gun into nightclub? Well, Plax, I have to hand it to you. You proved that you are more kind, considerate or perhaps (God help us all) more foolish than Pacman Jones. All I care about is that you and your ilk stop putting innocent people in your line of retard fire. So thank you, Plax. My birthday is in a week but you went ahead and gave me an early gift. The gift of laughing as I watch your already shaky NFL career come tumbling down around you because you felt like you needed "protection" and in the process, shot yourself in the leg. You should try not hanging out in nightclubs that make you feel as though you have to bring a weapon with you to be safe. See, the thing is, I think you were carrying that gun to be tough and thug-like. And I'm glad your liquored-up ass didn't decide to further prove your gangster tendencies by shooting someone other than yourself. Because, you see, you will forever be known now as the dumbass who shot himself in the leg with his concealed gun. Which is the least tough or intimidating thing you could have done with a gun. You are now the punchline of a joke Jeff Foxworthy is saving up for his appearance on Showtime at the Apollo. And you missed the chance to play against the Giants too! I am sure you would have gotten a rousing reception during the Sean Taylor Ring of Honor induction ceremony. I would have loved to have seen that.

On to December. I have a feeling we won't use the word "boring" much to describe the next month of Cowboys football.

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