Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Mr. Hollinger's Opus

So Old Man Hollinger has given us his statistical chances for each team in the NBA to make the playoffs. I could just as easily clink on the link on ESPN called “Hollinger: How it works” but that would rob me of my basic civil right as a sports fan to bitch about bias and agendas and underdoggery.

In the photo above, I have broken down the Western Conference minus the teams that have already taken an early vacation and are allowing shaved inhabitants of the local zoo to dress out for the rest of the season. The only three teams I really care about are us, New Orleans and Phoenix. But what I would probably understand in a matter of minutes if I just clicked on the link about how this whole Hollinger thing works, confuses me since I refuse to read directions to anything. How can the Hornets, with just one more win and two less losses (though one would imagine that with 5 wins in a row, that number could drop back down to one game soon-ish) than the Mavs be statistically 24% more likely to make the playoffs. I get that it means that Dallas and Phoenix are going to be busy battling it out for that #8 slot, therefore pretty much guaranteeing the Hornets a playoff berth. But still. It just looks weird to me.

Alright, let’s cut the small talk. I am worried. I am a worried little Mavs fan. Steve Nash will be back within the next few games. Shaq seems to have re-acquired his genie powers and the Suns just beat the Lakers on Sunday. Meanwhile, the Mavs needed overtime to beat the Oklahoma City Big Lots Cashiers last week and last night, could not physically stop themselves from turning it over to the OKCBLC.

I’m trying to be optimistic. I am trying to see the t-shirt cannon as half full. But it’s hard, man. I’ve got no Cowboys hope for this coming season because our most exciting move so far in the off-season is getting John Kitna. You know, 36-year old guy who went on IR in Week 5 last season? The guy who spent his past two seasons with the Detroit Lions? Yeah, that guy. I’ve got no Stars. Mostly because I don’t follow hockey but also because the Stars don’t seem to be destined for the playoffs this year. You know what that means, right?


Anonymous said...

The obese man covering his ears in the photo has GREAT style. I bet he has a decapitated body in the trunk of his car out in the parking lot.

Josh Campbell said...