Friday, August 14, 2009

Can They Still Say It Isn't Fear-Mongering If the Word "Scare" Appears 22 Times?



Dear President Obama:

You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me.

Dear Lou Pritchett, this is the first time in my 28 years of being alive that there is not a Bush either in the White House or the Governor’s Mansion of the state in which I reside. That’s the really scary thing. Unlike you, this is the first time in 28 years that I feel a sense of slight relief.

You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you.

You’re welcome. Welcome to the magical world of reading and knowing! Go get ‘em, tiger! Also, ummm, the whole premise of this letter and the opinions stated below would lead me to believe you know a lot about him. I don't think I know as much stuff about my mom as you know about Obama judging by your list of greivances with him.

You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support.

Household income for Barack and Michelle Obama for 2006 (his Senate salary + her salary + book sales/royalties)

As far as his education, one would presume it would be a combination of student loans and scholarships and maybe some help from his family? Like an overwhelming majority of college students have done for decades? I’m okay with this explanation. Moreso, I’m curious as to what dastardly theories you have on how Obama paid for school.

You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American.

If a Harvard-educated Senator who lives in Chicago with his lawyer wife and their two young children in an upscale neighborhood and like to do things like go to baseball games and take their daughters to see the Jonas Brothers in concert is “culturally not American” then I am Mongolian. The Obamas out-American me a million times over. But I think the correct term you are looking for to express your sentiment is this:

You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll.

Yes because the true mark of a good president is their previous experience in business.
Like maybe running a newspaper?

Or even more recently, we had George W. Bush, who was a businessman. Was he a good businessman? Let’s take a looksee:

You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don't understand it at its core.

Here’s a pretty good analysis of George W. Bush’s military experience. I know you aren’t outright saying that you preferred W to Obama but you should have theoretically been just as terrified for this guy to be instigating wars:

You scare me because you lack humility and 'class', always blaming others.

Matter of personal opinion. I guess you mean “class” like this?:

Or like this maybe?

You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail.

See also:

You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America' crowd and deliver this message abroad.

Guess what dude? We’re an awesome country but awesome in the way that Vin Diesel eventually stops the stops the crazy bad guy but not before killing lots of innocent people in the process, breaking lots of people’s furniture or plate glass windows and possibly fucking someone else’s wife or girlfriend in the process. In other words, we are big and bad and we do git-r-dun, so to speak, but we do need some accountability.

You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector.

“European style government”. Huh? Wait, am I supposed to be scared of things that are vaguely European?

I’m assuming you like Fox News so you should LOVE this article about America sliding down the life expectancy rankings:,2933,293008,00.html

An excerpt…” For decades, the United States has been slipping in international rankings of life expectancy, as other countries improve health care , nutrition and lifestyles.
Countries that surpass the U.S. include Japan and most of Europe, as well as Jordan, Guam and the Cayman Islands.”

You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one.

Please refer back to the Fox News link above. Please note the countries whose life expectancies are higher than ours. Please note how many have government run health care.

You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves.

You know who would probably totally agree with you? Oil billionaire T. Boone Pickens...oh wait….no. No he doesn’t.

You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world.

You’re welcome.

You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations.

Latin extorqu re, extort-, to wrench out, extort.
Soooooo, you mean like this?...

You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals.

You’re welcome.

You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people.,_2008

So this is a list of dummies? Even the Republicans?

You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient.

Unless Barack Obama texted you recently claiming to be “omnipotent” or “omniscient”, that is merely your opinion. Nothing wrong with opinions. I thought George W. Bush was a vastly under-qualified failed businessman turned failed politician. But again, that’s my opinion.

You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do.

“Results 1 - 10 of about 27,800,000 for obama failure. (0.25 seconds) “

You’re welcome.

You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O'Relllys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view.

Silence? All those people still have their respective shows. And demonize? They do that pretty well for themselves…

You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing.

transitive verb 1 a : to exercise continuous sovereign authority over; especially : to control and direct the making and administration of policy in b : to rule without sovereign power and usually without having the authority to determine basic policy

Eh oh. What do we do when the very definition of the “good word” contains the “bad word” you listed in your fears?

Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years.

I have no idea why. Carpal Tunnel? The decline of snail mail due to the ease of email? Stamp shortage? Hand cramps? Amphetamine-induced paranoia? Paper cuts?


mm said...

Genius. Greatness. Will be forwarded multiple times, with proper attribution of course.

Anonymous said...

My crush on your Internet persona continues...

Grandpa Walton said...

By spontaneously serving as yin to Pritchett's yang, Amanda, you leave us perpetually filled with hope for change.

Goodnight, Amanda

Ed Darrell said...

Nice work. I didn't do nearly so well here:

Are you still in Texas? Drop me a line, if you are.

Anonymous said...

Miss Cobra, I'm expecting an equally well thought out blog on this:

Tom said...

Wow. All that because he can't get over the fact that a black man and his family reside in the White House.

Anonymous said...

The only problem with your post is that if Pritchett had wanted to read anything he probably would have done so before he wrote his letter.

And let me say apropos of nothing that the hottest women in the world are smart ones.