Monday, October 29, 2007

This ball is slicker than a greased eel pie!

The first NFL game played outside North America was pretty funny. Not the game, mind you. The game was boring. Here's what we did learn about London NFL crowds:

1. They like wearing jerseys. Doesn't matter what team is playing. I want to start attending golfing events in full hockey goalie uniform.

2. They LOVE IT when people kick the ball. Doesn't matter if it's a field goal attempt or a punt. Which is endearing since punts tend to be one of the least thrilling parts of a football game for us North Americans. I want to start cheering fanatically during things like coin tosses and coaches challenges.

3. They still think streakers are funny. The irony is that, of all people, a guy with a name like Dick Stockton DOES NOT FIND STREAKERS AMUSING. Thank heavens for Goose and his thrilling Jersey Mike's-short order-cook-esque play-by-play on the streaker. A transcript would probably read something like this:

"Ohmigod, he's going on ta da field guys! Dis guy iz krazy man! He's going out dere man. Ha ha ha ha. He didn't come wit me guys."

He may have then hit a jukebox with his fist and given the thumbs up but we'll never know as the camera quickly cut back to Moose and Dick "Mayor of Squaresville" Stockton.

4. It's very rainy in England. Which makes catching a football nearly impossible. Which makes for a very amateurish game. I guess it was a clumsy tribute to rugby. Or a testament that North American football should never be played in England.

5. The English crowd DOES NOT APPRECIATE a team taking a knee to run the clock down. I find this amazing for a country that loves soccer so much. I have watched a Premier League championship game that lasted nearly four hours and was finally decided by a shoot out after nearly three solid hours without either team scoring a single point. But yeah, don't you dare think about running down the final minute of the quarter when one team is up by two possessions and the playing field looks like hellish war-torn sod pit.

6. The Super Bowl will not ever be played in London.

As for why Tony Romo spent the bye in Los Angeles eating cheeseburgers and knocking back Hypnotiq (presumably) with Britney Spears, I have no answers. I can only presume they did things like clip each other's toenails then had a belching contest. I hardly expected him to be having pho with Camille Paglia and discussing China's carbon output. But for fuck's sake, if you're going to spend your week off in a city that is the municipal equivalent of a titty bar in a strip mall near the airport please try your hardest to not end up getting a proverbial lap dance from the only stripper with both bullet and c-section scars.

Eagles 24, Cowboys 16
(that's including the safety that will occur when Romo gets distracted by a blonde shooting Popeye's coupons from a t-shirt cannon on the sidelines)


d folmer said...

i lol'd

Michael said...

"I have watched a Premier League championship game "

Is this football (soccer) you mean? There's no such thing. Premier League or Championship. One or the other. And the last 90 mins. Just saying.