Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Strap on Those Skates

Because we're all going ice skating in hell!

Sign of the Impending Apocalypse #1:



This photograph was taken last night. August 19th at 11:01pm. You might notice that round knob on the right is turned in a rather odd position. It's turned towards the red color. Even though my car is a Honda and therefore made in Japan, where people sleep in pods and buy used panties in vending machines, red still means hot and blue means cold. So that means that last night, while driving to Walgreen's at 11:01pm to buy contact lens solution, I had to turn the knob that tells the magic man that lives in the air vents what temperature to make the air coming out to make mine a toasty one. In August. In Texas. As a side note, I like that all the engineering and progress in the world has not stopped the hazard button on a car from still looking like the "someone call Oingo Boingo and let's really get this party started" button. Shouldn't it be like a lighting bolt or an exclamation point or a thumb or something. I could really get behind the thumb button.


Sign of the Impending Apocalypse #2:


I really can't even try to write better headlines than this so let me just go ahead and steal and link:

Lynching Advocate Toby Keith: Obama Acts White To Win

followed by....

Toby Keith: Obama's 'Best Democratic Candidate We've Had Since Bill Clinton'

First off, does one order business cards with "lynching advocate" as your listed profession? Second, nope. Sorry, Tobester. You don't get a re-do. You don't get to Tardis it back and put a boot in the ass of all those xenophobic pro-Bush redneck comments you made. I'm sure Obama totally appreciates not only your support of his political party but also his campaign and his ability to "talk white" et al.

Maybe you and John Rich should go into an unwanted and bungled political endorsements side business....


Sign of the Impending Apocalypse #3:

Oh. Em. Gee. Times are getting rough. I guess that Britpop renaissance of the early Aughts didn't really pan out like some thought it would. But really, there's no reason that it should lead to this.

JOHNNY BORRELL FROM RAZORLIGHT IS NOW THE LEAD SUSPECT IN THE MADELAINE MCCANN DISAPPEARANCE?






















Wow. Johnny Borrell. Singer of mediocre songs. Former boyfriend of Kirsten Dunst and that girl from Harry Potter. Friend of Mighty Boosh. Fashion Victim. And now potential kidnapper and pedophile. What a shame. And here I was thinking he was just a loudmouthed brat.

The good news is that the sketch artist seems to have caught him in mid-chuckle. Who doesn't love a good laugh? With the economy like it is now, even child abductors need to have a giggle every now and again. I have to say that minus the whole "stealing kids" part, I prefer Johnny Borrell Mach 2.0 (pictured left in sketch) who seems much more lighthearted. You know, as opposed to the Johnny Borrell of old (pictured right giving us Blue Steel). Thoughts?

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

when did Robert Crumb become a sketch artist?

diahh said...

It's kind of interesting to see the two different directions John Rich and Toby Keith are headed. You obviously know that Keith got really popular with songs like Red, white and Blue, but he's spent the past couple of years trying to walk back from stuff like that. In every interview i've seen or read of his over the past couple of years, he's talking about how he's always been a Democrat and he's even said the Iraq war was a mistake. And now he's even hinting that he'll vote for Obama. John Rich is just the opposite, when Big and Rich first came out i remember reading an interview with Rich where he talked about how Nashville didn't want him because he was too progressive. And Big Kenny seems like a pretty liberal guy. But now Rich is backing McCain after backing Fred Thompson in the primaries. Of course, this may be interesting only because its one am and i'm half asleep. As they say, your mileage may vary.

Michael BL said...

ooh, excellent! I'd already had the suspect covered, though. He released this album:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3156/2785979399_a114ea9d34.jpg

MBL said...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/michaelbearlube/2785979399/

Anonymous said...

That looks like Steve-O (the idiot from Jackass) in a wig to me!

Bun Lorde said...

PUBIC BEEF! PUBIC BEEF!! AHHHH UPCHUCK on my POON!! i just turdled on my oodle bai! I want to choad on Bai Ling! PBEsac !! 'BEEFER'

i just choaded - it was a beefer!!

DONNY FLOMEN said...

SHIT ON MY DICK - BOGO!!

Mickie Pepto said...

O GOOOOODDD!


'HELLCHOAD'



I JUST SPENT 4 HOURS ON THE DUMPER!

SOMEONE PLEAsE HELP ME!! theres diareah everywhere!

Its as if a shit-grenade went off in my bottom!

AAAGGHHHHH!

POON UTERUS said...

Tupple on my NOSEGAY!!

Frank Twoob said...

Is there any chance that Toby Keith will do anything about his flatulence problems? I saw him in concert and i could hear him passing gas loudly during the acoustic songs - it marred what was an otherwise pleasant evening of pop music.

Megan P. said...

Hello Readers and Fellow Blogsters!
I hope my comments will be taken with a grain of salt, a dash of understanding, and a pinch of perception, for we are all beings in the Blogosphere!
As i perused the articles and comments i feel i was exposed to certain elements of the cultural Zeitgeist, a window into the gestalt of our place in the evolution of society, visa vie the actions (actoids) and behaviours (behavioids) of our fellow blogitarians and so forth. And while i agree there are some 'bones's to pick', i feel i detected a bit of a snarkey tone from Ms. Cobra at times - perchance she is just a bit jealous of Mr. Keith's talents?
My advice is to not throw out the baby with the bathwater in this case, and lest not judge for ye be judged!

Mechaud Bajaji said...

Melj baba noopkes! Zaum do pwa'an baba tuu! (haha) Altwo zau vo beim negumi...

Megan P said...

Hello Again My Fellow Blogsters!
I'm well aware that in the blogosphere it is frowned upon to 'double-post' comments, but after pondering Ms Cobra's snarkey lambasting of the talented Mr. Toby Keith, i was compelled to come to his defense.
Does she know anything about this great artist? Has she ever listened to his earnest music, borne in Heartland, America, and inspired by what he saw in his youth as he cut his teeth in Oklahoma's hardscrabble blues circuit? Has she gotten chills up her spine as felt the power of his incendiary anthem "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue"? Has she related to the angst as he testifies in what could be the first 'punk-rock' country song, his seminal 1999 hit "How Do You Like Me Now"? Rage against the machine, indeed. Did she 'overlook' Mr Keith single-handed resuscitation of the Ford Motor Company with his bold rallying cry "Ford Truck Man"?
It would seem to be common practice for limousine liberals to paint patriotic heroes as 'hatemongers' or 'sex nazis', but has Ms Cobra gone to Iraq to boost the moral of our troops? Toby did.
Is Ms Cobra an accomplished football player and wrestler? Toby is.
Has Ms Cobra come to the defense of our President and Commander in Chief George Bush when he was attacked by the Dixie Chicks? Toby did.
Did she donate footballs to the victims of Katrina in New Orleans? Toby did.
Is she aware of Mr. Keith's tireless struggle for the environment, going so far as to ignore the aforementioned feud with the so called Dixie Chicks (who are lesbians) and appear in a commercial with them?
Just as he did on his 2003 album 'Shock'n Ya'll", a landmark acheivement in country music 'infotainment', Toby continues to display the chutzpah that is part and parcel of what defines 'a Great American', and shows himself to be the multi-faceted diamond of talent, AND a tireless warrior for the environment (eco-warrior) and other Causes, blazing a trail of light for us in these dark times, showing us that we should strive to excel in many realms of our gestalt, the whole kit and kaboodle if you will, instead of resting on our laurels like the Dixie Chicks or Hayden Panitierre.