Friday, October 3, 2008

Biden is My Hot, Hot (SIC)

I have to say that I thought Sarah Palin did better than I exected her to do in the VP debate last night. Mostly because I expected her brain to overheat, sparks to fly out of her mouth immediately followed by smoke billowing out of her ears and ending in a complete power-down. So I have to give her credit for that. Although I think she might want to reconsider the gratioutious use of winking in the future. Nothing conveys "I understand the nuances of and can handle the biggest financial crisis the United States has faced" like a little of the old Hooters waitress-angling-for-better-tips winking.

But I don't think anyone ran away with the victory last night. Biden came off as obviously the more experienced, intelligent and far less likely to say the word "doggone" candidate. So I guess that makes him the winner. He was solid but did stray ocassionally into the dreaded "professorial" territory that Obama is sometimes accused of venturing into. You know, because we live in a country where being too smart is a detriment. But after last night, I thought to myself, "Self, I wonder if ANYONE could actually claim tomorrow that Palin won?" I will concede her the small victory of not melting down but is there anyone who can say, with a straight face, that Palin won? Well....

Now I will preface this with the disclaimer that the internet is fully of kooks from both sides of the political spectrum. That being said, let's dive into the only results I came across in a Google search for "Palin won debate":

We'll start with a good one. This one is good because as we all know, people will really know you are serious when you type in ALL CAPS.


So take that, Sandra Bernhard! Mind you, there's no follow up to that headline, other than a picture of Palin holding a fish she caught on a fishing trip. But for what it lacks in substance of any kind, it makes up for in comments. My personal favorite was the incredibly detailed one about beheading Congressman Barney Frank then burying the head. Well, heck, I don't think I can say it any better than the commenter himself so I'll let George have the floor:

George Says:
October 3, 2008 at 2:23 pm

How about the way O’Reilly raged on Barney Frank the other nite. Frank could just not shut his lying mouth.
You could take Barney Frank up to the guillotine and he’d be spewing the same bullocks
Clamp his head down and he’d still be ranting woosh down comes the blade and off rolls his head into the basket and his talking head would still be mouthing of about how he aint responsible and how Bush screwed it all up . AHHHGGG !! you would have to burry his head in a 12 foot grave and pile an Indian mound of dirt on top to muffle his sound.. Then 2000 yrs from now an archeologist would uncover his skull and Barney frank would still be going on full tilt with all his bull.


I think the moral of the story is always bury heads deep. So you don't hear their talking. Nothing batty here. Just sound (har) conservative logic.

Now, what's more worrisome to me is this blog:

Jeremy’s Conservative Blog
A political blog from a conservative college student’s point of view.

Before I was able to read his arguments supporting his theory that Palin was "outstanding", I first had to crank up my (SIC) meter. A college student, who has presumably written his fair share of term papers, should not fall so easily to these kinds of messy mistakes:

"In the future I will be posting polls which you can only vote once from per house- possibly exclusing multipul (SIC) persons from a house to vote."

"I can see how people can say Palin didn’t win “hands down”, but I cannot see how you say Palin wasn’t worth of being in the debate."

(Wouldn't even begin to know where the SIC would start or end on that one)

"Today is a glorious day for our Country! Americans, everywhere from my hometown of Asheville to across the whole country will now see a clearer picture of Palin- without the Main Stream Media’s lies!"

(I am assuming that Main Stream Media is some sort of post-production company or maybe a creative advertising agency? Why else would it be split into three words and Each Word Be Capitalized?)

"Where did I saw McCain has not lied?"

(I don't know Jeremy, where did you saw?)

"Palin shines when she is talking face-to-face to America, without the liberal spin that Katie Couric and Company but on it. "

(Another production company? Katie Couric and Company makes me think of a store that sells lots of pants with elasticized waists. Oh yeah and.... SIC)

Once you Rosetta Stone your way past all his spelling gaffes, punctuation errors and all caps assertions that "YES I DO BELIEVE THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN. YES, I DO BELIEVE THAT HOMOSEXUALS WILL GO TO HELL", turns out the only point our tender Jeremy wanted to make was that Biden lied 14 times. Mind you, the source he cites to back up this claim is the most-likely biased This just in....the webmaster over at thinks John McCain is not the best candidate!

But Jeremy's final salvo is quite possibly my favorite. In the same manner you administer titty twisters or taunt an opposing kickball team, he leaves us with this (miraculously well-spelled) point:

"Didn’t like the maverick thing? Can’t take the heat, huh?"

Maybe that's just it. Maybe I can't take the heat that Palin was bringing. Please, turn off the heat! God, it's so hot! Seriously, this HEAT!


Dr Egg said...

Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel

Blop Blumpkin said...

My uterus just fell out.

Anonymous said...

Hey Bitch:

Fuck you :)