Lessons We Should Have All Learned From Game 4 Last Night

1. Antoine Wright can get elbowed in the throat and somehow HE gets called for a foul.

2. SOMEONE TIE JOSH HOWARD'S ARMS DOWN IF WE ARE IN A CLOSE GAME AND IT'S THE LAST MINUTE OF THE FOURTH QUARTER AND WE DON'T HAVE A FOUL TO GIVE AND WE DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT NEED TO FOUL ANY MEMBER OF THE DENVER NUGGETS.

3. Dirk Nowitzki would like you all to shut the fuck up about his ghetto, con-lady girlfriend already, please. To further illustrate this point, he will save us from playoff elimination. There, happy? Seriously, drop it now, ok?

4. Carmello Anthony is allowed to hit people in the face with no fear of being suspended.

5. Nothing brings me more personal schadenfraude than learning that the Birdman is not going to be able to make the game due to hot liquid waste spilling forth from both ends of his body due to a stomach flu. Just to think of the cold sweats and stomach cramping making his mohawk sort of just tilt to the side then fall forward in defeat like Glenn Danzig after eating raw oysters from a Chinese buffet, oh the giggles... Thank you, Tummy Shame Jesus.

6. HEY MAVS, LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T MISS HALF OF YOUR FREE THROWS!!!!!

7. Elephant in the Room time - Would everyone chill the fuck out. That means you, classless Mavs fans. That means you, Denver 'Roid Ragers. That means you, crazy-ass weave-wearing cat-fighting reality show, erhm, "personalities". The funny thing is the person I actually have the most sympathy for in this whole thing (oh yeah, besides the Mavs who are going to have to go to Denver wearing bulletproof vests) is Kenyon Martin's mom. If she talked shit to Cuban, whatever. If a Mavs fan poured a beer on her, in-fucking-excusable. To every other retard, failed rapper, half-shirt wearing former VJ, asshole fan, homophobic psuedo-tough guy who is turning this whole thing into one big "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" scene, seriously STFU.

Thanks.

Love,
Amandacobra