Tony Romo is a Human Fountain of Suck

I hate blogging after Cowboys losses. Especially when it’s the exact same faults that lead to each loss. I posted a video last week of Tony Romo being affable, funny and downright awesome. The problem was that very little of that had anything to do with him actually being a good quarterback. Hell, Ryan Leaf probably knows more than a few dead baby jokes. But Tony Romo, what is your problem? You seemed to have lost all depth perception on Sunday and were unable to see any open receivers. I am 100% sure that SOMEONE was open. As much as I can rag on Bobby Carpenter being a complete waste of molecules, Roy Williams not being able to hold onto catches and Flozell Adams overcompensating for Carpenter’s lateness with perpetual earliness, it all lies on coaching and Tony Romo as far as I’m concerned. Huzzah to Tashard Choice and Keith Brooking for being rare glimmers of hope on this team.

Now there’s video to prove that Tony Romo MIGHT NOT HAVE EVEN KNOWN WHAT DOWN IT WAS on the final drive in the waning seconds of the game. I’ve heard some people who have gone to games at the new stadium complain that the down and distance is more than a little bit difficult to see, despite a TV screen that is an affront to God himself. However, that doesn’t worry me too much because those people are just there to watch the game. They are not the quarterback who has 4 seconds left in the game on 4th and goal. Between the three fingers he held aloft, the curse word he yelled when he realized that was the last play and the fact that he threw to Sam Hurd who was being covered by Champ Bailey, it seems to be pretty likely that Tony spaced on that one. Then again, even when Tony did try to go ever-so-slightly long to any of his receivers, the ball was a few feet away from any of them. Half of the time, it didn’t even seem as if Romo was actually aiming for any receiver. It was more like he was just lobbing it out to midfield and closing his eyes and hoping there might be a man somewhere in the vicinity.

But it should have never come to that. The calls that Jason Garrett is calling are downright absurd. While I chastised Romo for throwing to Martellus Bennett in the corner of the end zone during the Giants game, I can’t help but wonder if Marty B. had a better chance of catching a last-minute desperation pass than Sam F’ing Hurd. What about Crayton? And imagine the redemption and respect that Roy Williams could have earned by playing through his stinger for one final down and perhaps catching a touchdown.

Our running backs (other than Choice) seem to be made of candy glass. Jason Witten has essentially been relegated to blocking. Demarcus Ware was apparently spayed and/or neutered in the off-season. But all of that seems to be things that can be remedied. However, who will remedy them when the foundation has such visible cracks? Who is going to fear getting their ass handed to them by Wade Phillips? I’m pretty sure Wade lets his Bassett hound just go on the rug for fear of hurting his feelings by correcting or disciplining him. Jason Garrett seems to be living out some Leaving Las Vegas existence now that he’s realized that his once chance to become a head coach might have passed him by. I imagine his playbook being dominated by repeated scrawls of “FML” and NIN lyrics.

Two things dominate my Cowboys mind right now:

1. Watching Brett Favre play last night (particularly on the final Vikings drive of the second quarter), I’m stunned by what a man who could be Tony Romo’s father can do with a 40 year old arm. A lot of Cowboys fans have maintained that Tony Romo’s personal life has caused him too many distractions. As a quick refresher, the distractions and hardships that Romo has had to deal with so far in his professional career: broken pinkie, having a few too many Coronas in Cabo before a playoff game, dating Carrie Underwood, dating Jessica Simpson…uh, well I guess that’s about it. Brett Favre has dealt with alcoholism, pain pill addiction, his wife’s battle with breast cancer, his father’s death, torn tendons in his shoulder and the merciless ridicule of his ever-changing retirement status. I told a friend last night that if Tony Romo had completed ONE of the kind of passes that Favre threw in the second quarter alone, I might not have been angry about losing on Sunday. That’s not completely true. There’s still no good reason to lose that game. But to lose it and to simultaneously realize that Tony Romo has started unraveling in front of our eyes? That hurts.

2. So people say, “That’s Tony Romo, he’s streaky. He’ll come back next week and win and throw for no interceptions and over 300 yards.” Yes, he might do that. Against the KANSAS CITY CHIEFS! What an accomplishment. Winning against another 0-4 team? NOT IMPRESSIVE OR REASSURING. Please don’t get me wrong. I would like to win. Because at this point, 8-8 this year sounds lofty. But even if it’s a blowout, I won’t breathe even the smallest sigh of relief. They’ve got a week off after that and maybe coming back from that can be a fresh start. But seriously folks, this team is not that good.