Friday, September 5, 2008

What the Ladies on the Internets Have to Say

The first thing my mom and I said to each other upon the announcement of Sarah Palin as McCain's VP choice was "Surely he doesn't think so poorly of women that he believes women will just vote for a fellow woman regardless of the fact that she stands against most of the things women care most passionately about?" In short, our answer was: "No, no surely not." Since the announcement, I have been stunned by the snippets of interviews I have seen with seemingly intelligent women on the street who have expressed some sort of respect for Palin. Full disclosure: I think the woman is awful. I don't like a single one of her positions. I think she doesn't give answers as much as recite warmed-over Everybody Loves Raymond punchlines. Put it this way, she made me think for a horrible hot second, "Kay Bailey Hutchison isn't so bad."

So my best friend Chrissy, who has been keeping track of the whole thing as an expatriate living in London who will be voting for Obama in November, and I have been going back and forth. It's kind of interesting. It's interesting to hear her take on things because she has the unenviable task, as the token American, of having to try to explain to an office full of Brits and assorted other Europeans how in the world this awful woman could appeal to anyone. She also has extremely right wing Evangelical parents who she loves dearly but who are also very excited by the recent developments. So it's been a lot of scratching heads and trying to get inside the mind of a person (specifically a woman) that would find Palin appealing for us for the past few days. And I bring you our highly scientific results.

First it was Chrissy's turn:

New fun game -

Find the most crazy-ass comment you can find posted on news articles from Palin supporters.

I'll go first...

Click to view VotingFemale's profile VotingFemale // 4 hours ago

The Karl Rove Play Book, Democratic National Committee Style.

Obama never bothered to worry about taking what works and using it to his benefit.

This is simply Politics in the fast lane.


The REAL MEAT has yet to be hung on the hook to sink the SS Obama.

There will be a wailing rising up from the Worshipers that will be heard around the world as OBama is correctly and rightfully hung out to dry.

You should be worried, Obama Toe Suckers... very worried.

Palin is coming for Obama and She Means Business

I actually don't understand the point of that comment, but I like how sassy and angry VotingFemale is!

Your turn...(trust me, it makes the day a lot more fun to play 'spot the crazy')

Alright, AmandaCobra's turn:

Now this is something I can totally play. Let's start with the one that completely randomly assigns Palin the nickname from a Hall and Oates song (?!?!?!):

Posted by WTFIGOITW on 09/04/08 at 11:36AM

Wow is this self-styled hockey mom ever scaring the crap out of the loopy left wing. I'd vote for McCain just for this reason alone but the fact that she may one day run for President should she win the Vice Presidency is just too overwhelmingly fabulous to think about. Bringing THAT is what is really scaring the limousine liberals. Kick some more tail Sarah Smile!

(I LOVE the term "limousine liberal" because I like to say it to myself when I drive around in my extra long Honda Accord)

Then I found this one and I declare myself the winner. Beat this. Oh wait, you aren't living in the same country as this moron so I guess you do win:

I feel that Sarah was sent to America for these troubled times! We're headed toward communism with Obama & Biden; can't you see it? It took a woman with five children to get us back to the Real America; the America I once knew~ If you newspeople don't love the best country on the face of the earth~~~why don't you go somewhere like Russia or even closer; Cuba? You couldn't hold a candle to Sarah! You're all jealous! I would never buy your paper.

Chrissy Round Two:

OMG I am so in love with this one!!! (!!!!!!!):
2:34 AM Anonymous Says:

Oh ye haters of women. I'm not sure you would know a good women if you met one. You people hitched your wagon to the wrong team. You SLANDERED the wonderful Sarah Palin. Not only is she fabulous, she is a GOOD person. You love 'God Damm' Obama. You are nothing more than his butt boy. You corrupt the youth of today every time you publish your crap of a magazine. You will be judged for all of eternity for that. Your lack of discermnent shows your lack of intelligence. You trade on weakness of humanity. Sarah Palin could/should kick your ass. You blew it. Hang your head in shame. Go out of business.

(Note: Can I be God Damn Obama's Butt Boy?? Pleeeeease?)

Then I found another feelgood post:

9:18 PM Anonymous Says:

So if my calculations are correct liberals should virtually be extinct by the the year 2040. Self-Hatred turns inward and eats its young (abortion). So why worry what the liberals think.

The logic in this one is blowing my drug-addled, liberal mind:

8:34 PM Anonymous Says:

Her daughter is pregnant so teaching abstinence doesn't work? What a shallow and mindless statement. We all have our free agency to decide what to do with the information given to us. It's ridiculous to think that one would have to count all those who DID learn from abstinence in order to counter this arguement. I guess this only proves the anti-drug campaigns don't work on liberals either.

This game is even better than 'spin the butter knife'. The next couple of months are going to fly by (from the inside of our big shiny elitist limousines, of course).

Amanda Round Two:

So this comment was in response to someone posting about her being Assemblies of God:

To: wideawake

Oh, boy—Assemblies! They are great pray-ers. They will pray her right into the Vice-Presidency.

The Holy Spirit moves in marvelous ways.

This one is quite possibly my favorite. After it I will tell you my favorite parts:

To: the invisib1e hand
God bless this woman, because they're gonna "Clarence Thomas" her in the media.

You'd better believe it. Big abortion is going to attack her and her family with a viciousness we've never seen before.
Fasten your seatbelts, folks.

1. "They're going to 'Clarence Thomas' her". Woah! I knew that she was supposed to be the MILF-y librarian but I had NO idea that she had actually sexually harassed employees! Sarah Palin...she's extreme about moose hunting, hockey, creationism and most importantly EXTREME COUGARING!
2. "BIG ABORTION". You know, I'm sick of these big abortion lobbyists and their big abortion money and all these abortion fatcats running Washington. Remeber the simple days when it was just Mom and Pop abortion shops that dotted our landscape? Now it's all these cold, impersonal big box abortion multi-national abortion conglomorates. Next thing you know, Big Heroin is gonna come in and start throwing their weight around and asking questions about her state's budget.

To: alexander_busek; wideawake; MarineBrat

Many of us have forgotten that Sarah Palin's state borders on RUSSIA, in addition to good old Canada. Even prior to becoming governor, she was involved in an official capacity in negotiations on petroleum, energy and the pipeline, all of which are international matters. In addition to this, petroleum is going to dictate a significant amount of our foreign policy in the future, and she sure has a lot more experience in all of these matters than either Obambi or Biden (who's probably attended lots of embassy cocktail parties, though...).

I would make a joke but since I was born in Georgia (the US state where Dukes of Hazard was set), I have to go try to sort out escalating tensions between Russia and the other Georgia. Because if qualifications are just how close shit is to touching or sounding like other things, I am now Jimmy Motherfucking Carter. I still don't get the Obambi thing. None of my research has lead me to discover Obama's mother was killed in the woods by a hunter.


james said...

wasn't "Big Abortion" one of Shaq's nicknames for a while?

VotingFemale said...

Hi Amanda,

The point of my iReport you showed was to scare the little Obama iReport babies and evoke a response. lol they responded! :)

Me? Sassy??? lmao

oh yeah!

-VotingFemale, Liberal Centrist
CNN iReporter