Monday, October 13, 2008

Me and The Girls v. Jogging




I have always wanted to be a jogger. There has always been a few problems with that, the top ones being that:

1. I'm a 32DDD
2. I can't jog

I like to ask people who are joggers how I become one of them. They all tell me the same thing. Start off slow. Make sure to warm up. Try walking and then jogging intermittently.

So I decided to dedicate myself to becoming a jogger a few months ago. I live on Katy Trail and it seems like such a waste to not be one of those annoying "active" types. Like those people who are so into working out that they wear their workout clothes to the grocery store.

After I had Texas A&M's engineering department draw up plans for a pier and beam structure that would somehow support my funbags, I was ready to go. Except that I'm pretty sure that I am doing jogging wrong. I have two bad knees from a childhood of dance and gymnastics and cheerleading. So I think that while everyone else looks like a real athlete getting a good cardiovascular workout, I look like I have one massive flat boob and old man knees. I think people can tell that I am bad at jogging.

But I stuck with it. I kind of started running further and further and got to the point I am at now which is making it from my house to Victory Park and back. And I have finally had a breakthrough:

Jogging blows.

I don't like wearing tennis shoes. I wear heels to the grocery store. Generally, I don't like sweating. I don't like the popping sounds I hear sometimes when I jog. I don't like being passed by old people on Katy Trail. I don't like the monolithic uniboob that happens when I wear jogging bra. I get creeped out by how runners travel in packs and then go to Starbucks afterward to talk about running. I don't like that I have to buy special gear like running socks and running shorts and armbands to hold my mp3 player. I don't like being all greasy and bug bitten.

I guess I should be stoked that I am a "runner" now but if one more person tells me about a runner's high.....

Seriously, jogging sucks.

4 comments:

josh said...

my wife was also a cheerleader/athlete in junior high and high school. She can't run. She doesn't know how to. She runs heels first and ends up hurting her knees and shins. I've tried to explain that your heels should never touch the ground when running correctly, but it seems like a skill set she will never learn. Is this your problem as well?

amandacobra said...

maybe that's it. i literally never learned how to run and there is clearly something wrong with the way my feet and legs are trying to operate.

Tom said...

There's nothing wrong with having a dislike for running. There are plenty of other forms of exercise. Find one that suits you and "run" with it.
I've been running for a decade now, and it works for me. But it doesn't offend me in the least that others don't enjoy it. To each his/her own.

Anonymous said...

Walk, and convey the girls at the pace and in the style nature intended.

You don't have to walk the Grand Canyon, or the length of California, or even out of the city. Just set your feet on a journey, one in front of the other. That's how we got out of Africa, after all.

If you're making 3 miles an hour you're doing all you really need to do anyway.